Review: Taming Mr. Flirt by AM Madden and Joanne Schwehm

Posted September 14, 2017 by Shannon in Blog Tours, Reviews / 0 Comments

Review: Taming Mr. Flirt by AM Madden and Joanne SchwehmTaming Mr. Flirt by A.M. Madden, Joanne Schwehm
one-half-stars
Published by MadJo Romance on September 10, 2017
Genres: Adult, Romance
Pages: 390
Goodreads

Here’s a tip: never say never.
It all started in a barn, rolling around in the hay with a hot brunette. When I hooked up at my best friend’s wedding with the bride’s best friend, I had hay in places it should never be. And how my bowtie ended up around my dick was an entirely different story. I’ll give you a minute to consider the possibilities.
That first romp set the tone, and each sexual encounter with her that followed became more intense. The fact that all my fantastic orgasms were coming at the hand of one woman baffled me.
A lifetime of observation taught me that monogamy equated to boredom. Variety was the spice of life, in and out of the bedroom. I enjoyed the company of a sexy, smart, confident woman. It was my kryptonite. I was a master flirt, and my sexual skills were unrivaled.
Until her.
With this woman, I had met my match.
Her carnal appetite a perfect match for mine, and she also taught me a few things along the way.
She called me Mr. Flirt, and could bring me to my knees at every turn.
Lesson learned: Sex always trumps sanity.


Review

This is the second book in a series, eh? No worries if you haven’t read the first, they’re interconnected standalones. So once upon a time I skipped on our of Canada land and ventured into my neighbours country down south. It was great. We are great food, met some cool people and got some awesome books. Sounds like a good time, eh? It was splendid! And in this journey, I happened to also meet the two authors of Taming Mr. Flirt. Awesome ladies, those two. Funny, sweet, loved to chat with readers, we had a great time down there, eh? I even read the first book in this series, Finding Mr. Wrong and quite enjoyed it. So with that being said, I’m sorry to have to do this, but in true Shannon fashion, I’ve got my sassy pants on and we’re going for a ride. Hold on, this one drove me more than a little nutty, eh?

I feel like at some point while writing this book, the authors had a conversation going something along the lines of this, eh? “Let’s think of every Canadian cliche and stereotype, then jam them all in to this because it’ll be funny or cute!” I know, eh? I’m sure no one has come up with that idea before. Not like you’ll piss off a bunch of people though, eh?

In case you needed clarification, yes, I’m purposefully being obnoxious. I shall continue.

You know what I say to that? A big f*** off. I’m generally an easy going person, but this is damn ignorant and tacky. Yeah sure, there’s Canadian jokes that fly around, who cares? But to blatantly use all of these stereotypes and while trying to make it a joke is downright disrespectful. It’s pretty clear that these authors aren’t Canadian or apparently didn’t actually do any research. Even something like finding a Canadian beta reader. Someone somewhere along the lines should’ve been like, “um, I think this might be a tiny bit much on the Canada shit”. You know why? BECAUSE YOU DON’T JUST GO WRITE ABOUT A DIFFERENT COUNTRY OR CULTURE OR GROUP OF PEOPLE WITHOUT RESEARCH FIRST. Like come on! The way they used “eh” was wrong. Just blatantly wrong, almost every time. Would you guys gasp if I actually told you we don’t say that a lot? Or only in certain circumstances or with certain phrasing? In theory, we use “eh” to change a statement into a question. But with that being said, it does NOT work in every single situation. So seeing something like:
“What now, eh?” <— that just sounds stupid, no one would say that.
“So, don’t freak out when I open a door for you, eh?” <— this is worded in a very odd fashion. “Eh” is not interchangeable with “okay”. If I was to actually try and say this, it would be along the lines of — You won’t freak out when I open the door for you, eh?
“Maybe you need to get laid yourself, eh?” <— this, like the first example, is already a question. Therefore, “eh” is redundant. And also it still sounds stupid.

That’s about enough of those examples, eh?

Time for more Canadian fun! By 50% of this book, the dreaded “eh” had been used already seven times, we learn that the hero had childhood dreams of becoming a professional hockey player *how original, is that all we can think of here? No dreams of becoming perhaps a doctor? Race car driver? Zookeeper? Accountant?*, and there was a conversation involving beavers being the national animal. BUT WAIT! There’s more. There has also been two instances where maple syrup was brought up, and one including the heroine asking if the hero was planning to bathe in it because he bought sooooooo much. The homeland has also been brought up no less than four times, because O Caaannadaaaaaaaa (Imagine someone starting to sing our magical anthem).

I’m over the book already. And all I’ve discussed is my damn country. Also, I case you’re curious, I feel qualified to comment on the likes of Canada because I’ve been here for approximately my entire life. That’s a long time, eh? <— I’m done, I promise. Lord help us all in the next book with an Italian hero. Should we start taking bets on how many times he’ll say “ciao bella”?

Remember when plot used to be important in books? Yeah, those were the good ol’ days. I couldn’t even wait to get to the end of this book before I started my review. I’m at 50% and just had to start making notes. You know what’s happened so far in this book? The couple fucks. Then they talk to their friends. Then they fuck. Then they go to work, and then fuck. Halloween party, work, fuck, work, fuck, dinner, fuck. Play with perfume, fuck. Several times in public places as well. That’s. It. I’M NOT EVEN READING THE SEX SCENES ANYMORE. And that’s kind of sad. So with that being said, I’ve only gotten “meh” type vibes since the beginning. It’s clearly a cliche, overdone, FWB type of situation. Two people who don’t do commitment and only want a physical relationship, they make rules to abide by, break said rules, freak out (prediction) once they realize that they’re dating each other. Been there. Read that.

***All of this was written after finishing the first half of the book. I’m now continuing into the second half and any additional thought I have will go from here on.***

Well, I have a small tidbit to add about the actual storyline. Around 60% or so, it actually started to pick up and I was liking it a hell of a lot more than I had been. There was some emotion, characters were actually doing some thing other than sleeping with each other, things were looking up! But then it promptly slowed right back down and came back to “meh/you’ve got to be kidding me” levels. Then the epilogue came out of nowhere.

Actual book wise, I feel like I’ve simply got nothing to say. This didn’t intrigue me. Nothing grabbed my attention and there sure as hell wasn’t anything to keep it. I’ve read this exact storyline time and time again. It’s been done, it’s predictable. How many times can I say this? It felt unoriginal, basic, one dimensional, etc. Harsh? Yeah, but I know these authors are capable of better than this. Maybe if they didn’t focus so hard on creating the most cliched AF hero possible because CANADA, and focused more on say, plot, character development, story line, it may have gone better.

Now are you ready for more Canada info? Yup, I’ve got more to say. First, let’s start with the fact that either the word Canada or Canadian is used over twenty times in the novel. This short novel. WE GET IT. This is the point were I’m getting really irrationally angry for no reason other than this has made me so annoyed, I can’t help it. Oh, and Kyle’s phone alarm is the Canadian national anthem. Sometimes he feels the urge to break out in song and sing it. Cool. Can’t say I’ve ever felt that way.

Let’s talk about Thanksgiving – YES! We have it in Canada. Fall, pumpkins, turkey… It’s fairly similar, except we do a three day weekend instead if an entire week thingy. So to suggest that the Canadian character doesn’t understand the holiday.. Where did that thought come from? Again, research people. It needs to happen. Quote from character – “I had no idea what all the hoopla was about”. Our thanksgiving is in October (at a regular time of the year, thank you very much 😉 *I’m kidding, don’t throw the tomatoes*) as opposed to yours (USA) in November. Other than that, the holiday is for the exact same thing. We just don’t celebrate football as a religion.

Moving on, have you ever heard of a place called Niagara Falls? Yeah, that’s a fun spot. They’ve got some water I hear. Yeah, so, I’ve been more times in my life than I can keep track of. I’ve been twice this summer alone, once staying overnight. This book suggests that there’s a light show over the falls because it’s a holiday – false, there’s a light show at the falls every night, regardless of holiday status. According to this book, the crowd ‘ooooohed and ahhhhhed’ along with the lights. Okay, let’s say I believe you, let’s say that because it was almost Christmas, for some reason there was a crowd gathered at that specific time to see the lights. Now in reality, the light show goes on for hours. There’s no crowd gathered, there’s a few groups of people walking along but you’re not throwing elbows and pushing old ladies down to try and get to the railing to see it.

I can’t do anymore. I need to stop at some point, and I’m picking now. Please, in the future, don’t disrespect my country and my nationality. I honestly can’t think of a book that I’ve read this year that has aggravated me as much as this one. I feel like I just got slapped in the face by Canada. It wasn’t meatball bonding.

 

*An ARC was received in exchange for an honest review.

one-half-stars

About A.M. Madden

A.M. is a wife, a mother, an avid reader of romance novels, and now an author.
“It’s all about the HEA.”

A.M. Madden is the author of the popular Back-Up Series, as well as several other contemporary romances. She is also a published author with Loveswept/Random House and Ever After Romance.

A self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, she loves getting lost in a good book. She also uses every free moment of her time writing, while spending quality time with her three handsome men. A.M. is a Gemini and an Italian Jersey girl, but despite her Zodiac sign, nationality, or home state, she is very easy going. She loves the beach, loves to laugh, and loves the idea of love.

About Joanne Schwehm

Joanne is a mother and wife and loves spending time with her family. She’s an avid sports watcher and enjoys the occasional round of golf.

Joanne loves to write and read romance. She believes everyone should have romance in their lives and hopes her books bring joy and happiness to readers who enjoy modern day fairy tales and breathless moments.

She is an independent romance author and has written several contemporary romance novels, including The Prescott Series, Ryker, A Heart’s Forgiveness, The Critic and The Chance series.

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